Learning to Celebrate
Reflections on Tiny Habits - how feeling good is the key to change
I have been reading the book Tiny Habits by BJ Fogg and experimenting with the change process in my own life over the past few weeks. So much of my work as an occupational therapist is about supporting people through change - adapting to a new diagnosis, finding new ways to do necessary or deeply loved activities, and building healthy routines that are in service of the future you want.
I’ll be honest with you. I love change. I crave it. The always in motion part of me feels stagnant if things stay the same for too long. And of course I am a human so change is also scary. I believe that anytime we change, some old part of us has to die to accommodate this evolution.
In the Yoga Sutras, Patanjali discusses 5 kleshas, or internal obstacles, on the spiritual path. One of these is abhinivesha, or fear of death. Now we could look at abhinivesha in a literal sense and likely many of us do fear out deaths (that’s a whole separate article). But, how I reflect on abhinivesha is as a more subtle anxiety about change. We fear change because it invites in the unknown and forces us to sit with a universal truth - change is one of the only constants in our world.
We must adapt. We must change. So, how do we do so intentionally? How do we change, sustainably in the direction of our goals?
One of my key takeaways from Tiny Habits is this: we change by feeling good, not by feeling bad.
Take a moment with this idea - say it outloud or write this down on a post-it note as BJ Fogg recommends: ““I change best by feeling good, not by feeling bad.”
If we change by feeling good, then we need to design our behavior change process in a way that sets us up for easy wins. We need to set tiny little micro habits for ourselves that allow us to feel successful.
And here is the most important part - we need to CELEBRATE when we make the micro change, the baby step, take the tiniest of actions.
I’m not talking about celebrating once you have changed, like when you have lost the weight. When you have crossed the finish line of the race. When you finally floss your teeth every night and the dentist delivers good news. When you have finally gotten your sleep routines dialed in.
I am talking about celebrating as you are CHANGING. Celebrating right when you are in the messy middle. Celebrating your tiny little human victories which probably seem so small to you that your brain is barely paying attention to them.
Celebration that immediately follows a new behavior you are trying to do lights up the motivation and reward centers of your brain (aka increases dopamine), thereby increasing the likelihood that you will do that behavior again. The feeling of success and joy that comes from celebrating who you are becoming helps your brain more quickly build the neural pathways that support habit formation and change.
Here are two key things I want you to know about celebrating for change:
In order for celebration to work you have to FEEL it
You celebrate immediately after you take the action, rather than delaying it
A celebration is a genuine expression of positive emotions, a genuine feeling of success that comes right after you take the small habit you are trying to build. A celebration is different than a “reward” which typically is delayed and provided once you’ve finished the task (e.g. I’ll have a bowl of ice cream after I clean the house) or once you’ve done it for a period of time (e.g. you can play video games if you do your homework all week).
How can you practice this in your own life?
Find an authentic way of celebrating for you. Maybe it’s a shimmy, a power pose, a fist pump, a thumbs up, something said out loud (“good job, YAY!, YES!, you did it!!). After you do your celebration you want to FEEL proud of yourself and actually let it sink into your body. Experiment with different celebrations until you find the one that feels like you.
If you are struggling with celebrating and it feels silly or stupid, Tiny Habits recommends an exercise called the celebration blitz. Go to a messy area of your house, set a timer for 3 minutes and tidy up for the whole time. Here is the key… after every little thing you tidy you CELEBRATE! After you are done with your celebration blitz, notice how you feel. Notice how this concentrated time of taking small action and celebrating it impacts your motivation for the rest of the day.
Build a tiny habit and practice celebrating immediately after you do the habit.
A few tiny habits I have been working with:
In Tiny Habits, he offers a habit recipe:
After I _______ (anchor moment or a current thing you already do), I will __________ (new habit you want to create). Then I celebrate to wire it into my brain.
After I turn on the kettle to boil hot water, I will sit on my meditation cushion and take a deep breath.
After I sit down at my desk in the morning, I will write my highest priority to do on a post it note.
After I flush the toilet, I will do a squat.
And I have really been trying to lean into celebration. I find my brain often only wants to celebrate if I do the whole task or if I do a big, new thing that is “worth” celebrating. So I am noticing that and consciously retraining myself to celebrate now, in the moment. Why not do a little dance and squeal after I do tiny things throughout my day? I feel it bringing me more joy and appreciation for all of the little ways I am evolving, and I hope it sparks just a little of that in you too.
What tiny habits are you inspired to create in your life? Most importantly, how are you going to CELEBRATE something tiny today?
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Sea & Soul Women’s Circle - San Clemente, CA - Oct. 10
Thursday, October 10 from 5-6:30pm. Calafia State Beach, San Clemente, CA
Sea & soul circles are BACK to celebrate and honor our transition into fall. These circles are a space for women to come home - to themselves, to their relationship with Mother Nature, and to community. In this circle, you will be invited to explore a diverse range of resources including embodiment practices, journaling, nature connection meditations, and authentic sharing. Together we will tap into the healing power of the ocean and explore what wisdom she has to offer you during this season of your life. You will leave feeling deeply nourished and grounded to the authentic you. There are only 5/10 spaces left. Make the space and time for yourself. You definitely deserve it! Reserve your seat on Eventbrite.
What a beautiful post!! <3 Thank you.